Archive for December, 2012

It’s The Gentleman’s Review’s fifth Christmas and what have they learned. Well, not much really, although Andy did discover that the best way to break Martin’s concentration during a song is to simply wave bits of paper at him. This may become useful in any future fights to the death. Besides that, it is a relatively sedate affair with coffee and pies being taken orally every ten minutes. Listen out for Martin’s heart breaking, it sounds like a screaming jellyfish.

Here are the words to the song, if you fancy singing along:

On the first day of Christmas,

My true love gave to me:

A third class ticket to Barnsley.

On the second day of Christmas ,

My true love gave to me:

Two midget poofs and a third class ticket to Barnsley.

On the third day of Christmas,

My true love gave to me:

Three laughing perverts, two midget poofs and a third class ticket to Barnsley.

On the fourth day of Christmas,

My true love gave to me:

Four bloated winkles, three laughing perverts , two midget poofs and a third class ticket to Barnsley.

On the fifth day of Christmas,

My true love gave to me:

Five burst swans, four bloated winkles, three laughing perverts , two midget poofs and a third class ticket to Barnsley.

On the sixth day of Christmas,

My true love gave to me:

Six whelks a-singing,  five burst swans,  four bloated winkles, three laughing perverts , two midget poofs and a third class ticket to Barnsley.

On the seventh day of Christmas,

My true love gave to me:

Seven bums a-poopin’, six whelks a-singing,  five burst swans,  four bloated winkles, three laughing perverts , two midget poofs and a third class ticket to Barnsley.

On the eighth day of Christmas,

My true love gave to me:

Eight melted children, seven bums a-poopin’, six whelks a-singing,  five burst swans, four bloated winkles, three laughing perverts , two midget poofs and a third class ticket to Barnsley.

On the ninth day of Christmas,

My true love gave to me:

Nine noisy parsnips, eight melted children, seven bums a-poopin’, six whelks a-singing,  five burst swans, four bloated winkles, three laughing perverts , two midget poofs and a third class ticket to Barnsley.

On the tenth day of Christmas,

My true love gave to me:

Ten tits a-bouncing,  nine noisy parsnips, eight melted children, seven bums a-poopin’, six whelks a-singing,  five burst swans, four bloated winkles, three laughing perverts , two midget poofs and a third class ticket to Barnsley.

On the eleventh day of Christmas,

My true love gave to me:

Eleven racist penguins,  ten tits a-bouncing,  nine noisy parsnips, eight melted children, seven bums a-poopin’, six whelks a-singing,  five burst swans, four bloated winkles, three laughing perverts , two midget poofs and a third class ticket to Barnsley.

On the Twelfth day of Christmas,

My true love gave to me:

Twelve Peter Sissons, eleven racist penguins,  ten tits a-bouncing,  nine noisy parsnips, eight melted children, seven bums a-poopin’, six whelks a-singing,  five burst swans, four bloated winkles, three laughing perverts , two midget poofs and a third class ticket to Barnsley.

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