It’s The Gentleman’s Review’s fifth Christmas and what have they learned. Well, not much really, although Andy did discover that the best way to break Martin’s concentration during a song is to simply wave bits of paper at him. This may become useful in any future fights to the death. Besides that, it is a relatively sedate affair with coffee and pies being taken orally every ten minutes. Listen out for Martin’s heart breaking, it sounds like a screaming jellyfish.
Here are the words to the song, if you fancy singing along:
On the first day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
A third class ticket to Barnsley.
On the second day of Christmas ,
My true love gave to me:
Two midget poofs and a third class ticket to Barnsley.
On the third day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Three laughing perverts, two midget poofs and a third class ticket to Barnsley.
On the fourth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Four bloated winkles, three laughing perverts , two midget poofs and a third class ticket to Barnsley.
On the fifth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Five burst swans, four bloated winkles, three laughing perverts , two midget poofs and a third class ticket to Barnsley.
On the sixth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Six whelks a-singing, five burst swans, four bloated winkles, three laughing perverts , two midget poofs and a third class ticket to Barnsley.
On the seventh day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Seven bums a-poopin’, six whelks a-singing, five burst swans, four bloated winkles, three laughing perverts , two midget poofs and a third class ticket to Barnsley.
On the eighth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Eight melted children, seven bums a-poopin’, six whelks a-singing, five burst swans, four bloated winkles, three laughing perverts , two midget poofs and a third class ticket to Barnsley.
On the ninth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Nine noisy parsnips, eight melted children, seven bums a-poopin’, six whelks a-singing, five burst swans, four bloated winkles, three laughing perverts , two midget poofs and a third class ticket to Barnsley.
On the tenth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Ten tits a-bouncing, nine noisy parsnips, eight melted children, seven bums a-poopin’, six whelks a-singing, five burst swans, four bloated winkles, three laughing perverts , two midget poofs and a third class ticket to Barnsley.
On the eleventh day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Eleven racist penguins, ten tits a-bouncing, nine noisy parsnips, eight melted children, seven bums a-poopin’, six whelks a-singing, five burst swans, four bloated winkles, three laughing perverts , two midget poofs and a third class ticket to Barnsley.
On the Twelfth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Twelve Peter Sissons, eleven racist penguins, ten tits a-bouncing, nine noisy parsnips, eight melted children, seven bums a-poopin’, six whelks a-singing, five burst swans, four bloated winkles, three laughing perverts , two midget poofs and a third class ticket to Barnsley.
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